"I am participating in the Keeping LOVE in LENT Blog Link-Up 2013,
hosted by
hosted by
Raising (& Teaching) Little Saints, Truly Rich Mom, and Arma Dei: Equipping Catholic Families. We share different ways, tips, stories, an real-life experiences that will help us focus on Lenten sacrifices, prayer and good deeds, and how to carry them out with LOVE instead of a GRUMBLE. Please scroll to the end of the post to see the list of link-up entries."
Although I was raised in a Catholic household, this is my first Lent in spirit. As a child, Lent meant no meat on Fridays, supposedly giving something nice up (not that I ever did), and being sad (no swimming, no laughing, no telly) from 3pm Good Friday until Easter Sunday. The past year or so, I have been gradually waking up to God. (Or rather, He has been ever gently but firmly waking me from a deep deep sleep.) And as I look around me, I realize how ignorant I am of so much about being Catholic. It was only in the recent weeks that I realized that St Paul wrote most of the Letters that are part of the 2nd Readings in the Mass, and that there are Catholic and Protestant versions of the Bible. I had asked my teacher V for advice on how to read the Bible, and he told me to pay attention to the footnotes. “What footnotes?” I asked. Hmm. Perhaps it was time to buy a grown-up Bible. I was still using my Precious Moments Children’s Bible that I had purchased when I was 16, the one with cartoon pictures instead of footnotes. (I never actually read much of it. Back then, it was an accessory for hanging out with my best friend, who had one crush after another on Korean boys from various born-again Christian churches. We spent plenty a Friday night fellowship-hopping.) In any case, despite having promised myself about two weeks ago to forgo buying any more books on amazon until April, I bought a “grown-up” Bible and a second-hand copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. After these purchases, I will really not buy any more books on amazon until April. (Really.) I’m also trying to fast on the weekdays. I used to think that fasting was not eating at all. But our parish priest recently brought up that fasting meant 1 normal meal, and 2 small meals (together not making up a full meal) a day. Now I understand how Moses, Jesus, and the saints could fast for 40 days. (Even though I am aware that fasting is not about dieting, I can't help but think that that’s more food in a day than one gets on the Slimfast plan!) It’s doable. Or at least, that’s what I tend to think in the morning. By 5pm, I am very hungry and lightheaded, and I allow myself to have a few pieces of Darvita to tide me over to dinner (my full meal). Darvita is salted cardboard marketed as a healthy high-fiber snack cracker in Switzerland. Willingly eating Darvita should definitely count as a Lenten penance. I am also trying to be more patient with the children and raise my voice less. (This is by far the hardest part, and where I fail consistently.)
Our
HGU session this week fell on Pancake Tuesday. I handed the children their
Kinderofper (Children’s Offering) bags. For Lent, the children are to donate
some money that they’ve earned (for instance, by doing small chores for their
parents) or pocket money that they’ve saved, for helping the poor. It is true
that you don’t really learn something until you have to teach it. I thought it
was the perfect opportunity to talk with the kids about what Lent is all about,
why the 40 days, why we give something up. Then I realized that I didn’t
actually know. I had some vague idea that parts of it had to do with sharing in
Jesus’ suffering, but couldn’t coherently explain these whys. My ignorance astounds me. It is the blind leading the blind. Anyway, thank
goodness for answers that can be found on the Internet.
Frivolity and attempts to elicit chuckles from my readers aside, my Lenten season is about repenting for my errant ways, and cleaving
ever closer to Him in love. Jesus Himself reminded me that Repentance allows
for a closer and deeper love. A few weeks ago, during our holiday in India, we planned
a day trip to Old Goa to visit its famous churches. On the bus ride over, a
self-congratulating thought drifted into my head. “When I think of the
Sorrowful Mysteries, I now only see Love.” Oh, how evolved I now am, how far
I’ve come in the last while, I thought, mentally patting myself on the back. It
was as if Jesus heard me, and set about to correct me, reminding me Himself
that Repentance was the other side of the coin. Less than half an hour after I
entertained this thought, as we exited the chapel housing St. Francis Xavier’s
relics in the Cathedral of Bom Jesus, I was confronted with the most painful
depiction of the Crucifixion I have ever seen. A life-sized figure of Christ is
hung on the Cross, dying. He is raw red bleeding flesh, with only a few thin
strips of skin that have not been torn away by the scourging. Ross left to find
the others in our group. I leaned against a pillar, suddenly weak at the knees
with remorse. In shame, I wanted to turn away from this sight, and yet I could
not tear my eyes away. What monstrosities did we do when Pure Love chose to
manifest Himself as one of us. How, in our sins and in our pride, we inflicted
such suffering upon Him, and how He loved us so fully nonetheless. If this is
what we are capable of doing with our Free Will, I wanted none of it. It felt
wrong to take a picture. The searing memory of this scene in my mind’s eye is
more than enough a reminder. Ross found the rest of our group and we moved on.
I said nothing to the others about this experience*.
*This experience is one of many I've had this past year that convince me that God is a Personal God who intervenes in our daily lives, who knows our thoughts and our hearts, and who hears and answers our prayers!
 |
| my (wintry) way home |
Check out the Lent reflections participating in the Keep LOVE in LENT Blog Link-Up 2013! We'll be sharing different ways, tips, stories, and real-life experiences that will help us focus on Lenten sacrifices, prayer and good deeps, and how to carry them out with LOVE instead of a GRUMBLE.
Discover new Catholic Blogs to follow!
ah.. a sigh of relief because your writing is intelligent, funny, honest, grounded in reality and in the Spirit.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melanie!
DeleteIt's amazing how much you realize you don't know once you start educating your own children. There are some great books out there to help you understand the faith more. Have you read Rediscovering Catholicism yet? It lays out the basic tenets with good explanations.
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal, thanks for the recommendation. I'll look up "Rediscovering Catholicism" in April (once I allow myself back on amazon). There's a lot being said these days about amazon ruining the book market. However, for me in Switzerland, where it is difficult to get English books in bookshops, it is a God send!
DeleteWonderful reflection, and I, too, find Free Will to be quite a mystery... and, as you put it, a double-edged sword.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post...I too sometimes forget about the immense amount of pain and sacrifice Christ endured during the passion for us because it was done with so much love. The love of the offering is sometimes all you see, it's good to be reminded of the sacrifice that brought the love to the front, it reminds us to be humbled. Look forward to reading more posts!
ReplyDeleteHi Ultreya, my background is some similar to yours. I grew up Catholic but didn't understand my faith well a all. I thought I did but I really didn't. I'm still learning because our faith has a long beautiful and some not so beautiful, history. So much to learn. I go to daily mass often which has helped tremendously learn more about scripture, liturgy and the saints. I like your children's offering bags. We are doing the rice bowl through Catholic Relief Services as our almsgiving activity.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that you were able to see Catholic Churches in India! I once saw a crucifix with a very beaten and bloodied Jesus too. It was hard for me to look at it too! That's the one and only of that type of crucifix and its burned into my memory. I completely relate to the desire to not photograph it. You'll always remember it! You should post your other pictures of the churches you visited. May God bless you and draw you closer to His Son this Lenten Season!
I lived in Germany for four years, so I know what your describing- the crucifixion depiction in the shrine. The chapels and Cathedrals of Europe hold nothing back in their statues compared to the cleaned up crucifixes in our American churches. I was often stunned by them. Thanks for sharing about that it gave a me memories that are nice to recall and reflect on. And I liked the way home photo because it gave me the feeling on your pilgrimage. Much Blessing to you this Lent!
ReplyDeleteI am learning so much that I didn't know now that I'm a mom and have to teach them. Just think, at least our kids will be farther along than we (God willing).
ReplyDeleteThe picture you posted alone is a Lenten reflection. A long road with a light ahead.
ReplyDeleteThe picture you posted is a beautiful reflection in itself, and it fits your message perfectly.
ReplyDeleteA long road with a light at the end.
Thanks for pointing that out, Jenna. I didn't appreciate how well that picture fits until you pointed it out. (It is literally my way home.)
DeleteWhat a wonderful journey you are on. God is so good to use our children to make us learn things. I grew up much like you did, with no meaning behind my Catholicism. Once I had kids and started homeschooling, I was amazed at how much there is to learn. I was also amazed at how much they knew at their young ages that I was just learning. God is good!
ReplyDeleteMy own understanding of my Catholic faith did not really begin until I had my first child, even though I was a cradle Catholic. I wish I would have understood more as a child but am so grateful to have had the opportunity to learn alongside (and from) my children. Our faith is a journey of discovery and letting go no matter what age you embark on it, and what a journey it is.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Very nice reflection. I hope that we all find Free Will as a tool to give our praise and thanks to the Lord. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Ginger, and good luck with your coming delivery!
DeleteWhat a wonderful reflection. There are so many Catholic parents who do not take seriously the responsibility of catechizing their children (we pledge to do this at the alter when we get married!). So, kudos to you for going after it with love, humility and strong intentions! I loved your comment about the Precious Moments bible - so many of the moms at our bible study bring theirs every week! :)
ReplyDeleteI could very well relate to you in your struggle to be patient with your children. That's one of my struggles, too. Being patient with my eldest son who is not as obedient as I hope he would be. And I struggle a lot not to raise my voice these days. "Slow to anger, abounding in kindness and relenting in punishment" is my battlecry this Lent.
ReplyDeleteWow, your blog is truly enlightening...I am just so happy that I found you thru the Lenten blog hop.
ReplyDeleteThe statement of free will as a double edged sword is so simple, yet deeply profound....thank you for this. I really needed it today.
God bless...
Thanks for stopping by, Chris. I hope to join your Memoir Mondays one of these days.
DeleteGreat thoughts... I agree completely with what you say about freedom - I think that is what the Lord wants of us most, a free decision to love and follow him...
ReplyDeleteWow! That description of the dying Jesus stays in my mind. I once saw a statue made from the wounds on the Shroud of Turin and it was hard to look at, so I understand you feelings. It makes repentance real.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know how you feel. Being a catholic all my life, when having children, you truly get inspired to live your faith b/c they are watching us. I started to looking more into Fast and its benefits beside that offering up for Christ but even health benefits and so. You can check out on my blog (Pray and Fast) and also we have a group on Facebook call: Pray & Fast: a Challenge to transform yourself for Christ. God is so great in all the beauty HE gives us through His Holy Church! Have a Blessed Lent.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I have the right words to thank and congratulate you on this very fine reflective post! Your honesty and simplicity in writing and expressing your feelings made me live every word you wrote.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with us.
I wish you a blessed lenten season.
Wow, what a nice, thoughtful post! I like how you explain your recent Catholic discoveries, the Darvita made me laugh and I think it's so neat that "children's offering" has its own name. =)
ReplyDeleteYour experience of the crucifixion statue reminded me of how Jesus works in our lives...even giving us little reminders when we need them. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey of your previous Catholic walk and the one you are on now. God is a patient and loving Father, He waits for us. It's the same walk, just now he's opened your eyes and "waking you up" further. We are all in need of this. What a beautiful time for us to each have our eyes cleared more so we can see His graces. How beautiful for you to see the great mercy as in the experience with the cross. I especially relate to your picture of your wintery walk "on the way home" as that is precisely why I titled my blog this, as we each have our own journey's Home to Christ. Many blessings this Lenten season- Sarah
ReplyDeleteI have read other posts of yours and this one is just as wonderful as the rest. You have an ability to combine intelligence with heat..a rare gift
ReplyDeleteI meant heart, of course :)
ReplyDelete